and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
