i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
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