I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
