Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
