Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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