I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
