I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She even gives head with a lisp.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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