i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
