My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
