i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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