omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
