STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize