alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
