They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
