So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
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