he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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