Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
