Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Randomize
