Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
