I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
this is an emotional support booty call
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
