Where is the hickey?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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