Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
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