love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
