I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
