Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
