meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
