i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
