I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
