Say something about gay babies.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
