I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
