I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
