I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
