I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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