ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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