I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
