are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sext me about skeletons
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
