I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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