I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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