maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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