I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
