why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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