she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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