i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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