i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
