Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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