Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
