around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
