that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
