I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
