i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
