Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Randomize
